NOT ME!

So over at http://www.mycharmingkids.net/, MckMama has created this MAHVELOUS blog carnival, NOT ME! Monday! Pop on over there after you're done reading here and check her out.

This blog carnival cracks me up, week after week. And because I'm not inclined to do anything else tonight, I'm participating.

This week, I definitely did not go to Macy's in Plaza Las Americas on Thursday after work because I knew if I didn't, I wouldn't have anything to wear to work on Friday. I definitely would not have done this, because I would not have left packing for a move to another country until the last minute, and DEFINITELY would not have packed with a 101-degree fever and the intestinal flu 36 hours before my plane took off. Not me.

I definitely did not start the best. externship. ever. this week. I am in no way pleased with my placement and do not like my office at all. I am not at all intimidated by the fact that I will be graduating from law school in a mere 4 months. Not me.

By the way, there is no way that I am completely and utterly head over heels in love with my tiny godson. So much in love, in fact, that I didn't even mind when he vomited all over my work clothes on Tuesday. No, really. He is not the cutest baby I have seen in quite some time. He is not a tiny little ball of love. And I am definitely not smitten. Not me.

I did not give my Titi Number 2 the business this week. I did not put my big honking gringa foot down and lay down the law. And she didn't respond positively, when I put my gringa foot down and laid down the gringa law. Not me. Not us.

I did not find my way to my office today without the aid of the GPS. I was in no way proud of myself for doing so, even though I have now been going to my office for a week. And I did not celebrate my newfound sense of direction by encountering a spot on the street in which to park. Not me.

I have not been enjoying the 80+ degree weather in my new home. I have not had to turn on the air conditioner to sleep every night, nor have I opened the balcony doors to a glorious breeze every evening when I come home. Not me.

Oh, and I definitely can't see the ocean from my new office. Not me. And even if I could, I certainly wouldn't rub it in. That would be cruel.

LAST BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST...

I did NOT copy/paste this from my hometown newspaper:


SHERIFF'S OFFICE
Saturday
9:02 a.m. -- A Township Road 803 resident reported that someone had backed into his mailbox overnight.
3:32 p.m. -- A Township Road 523 resident reported that the mailbox had been knocked over.
7:15 p.m. -- It was reported that an injured deer needed to be dispatched in a yard near U.S. 30. Apparently the deer did not need dispatching too badly. It had left before a deputy arrived.
Friday
9:36 a.m. -- Richard Y. was arrested on a charge of domestic violence.
Thursday
9:55 p.m. -- Dewain C., 43, and Lisa G., 41, were cited for disorderly conduct on the 300 block of U.S. 42.
Wednesday
12:19 -- It was reported that a storage tote containing hardware and tools was lost on U.S. 42.
HIGHWAY PATROL
Thursday
3:05 p.m. -- Richard Y. was cited for failure to control on Ohio 511.
POLICE DEPARTMENT
Friday
2:09 a.m. -- Alina T., 18, was issued a summons for underage consumption at Ashland University's Clark Hall.
2:54 a.m. -- Brian G., 22, of Hudson was issued a summons on the 1000 block of Claremont Avenue for disorderly conduct.
10:31 a.m. -- Campus security at Ashland University reported that a wallet was turned in. Security handed it over the city police.
Thursday
11:50 a.m. -- John G., 33, of Mansfield was arrested on the 1400 block of Claremont Avenue on warrants for contempt of court our of Loudonville, failure to appear out of Wayne County and bad checks.
4:45 p.m. -- Joshua R., 27, XXXX Troy Rd., was served a warrant for failure to appear from Ashland Municipal Court at the same address.
FIRE DEPARTMENT
Saturday
10:59 p.m. -- A burning mattress pad and quilt were extinguished at 1025 Overlook Drive. The fire was started by a short circuit in an electric mattress pad heater. Two people at that address got out safely.
Friday
8:12 p.m. -- Firefighters provided mutual aid to Mifflin and Richland departments for a working structure fire on Crider Road in Mansfield.
Thursday
11:54 a.m. -- Firefighters responded to a report of a carbon monoxide detector going off at 1013 Troy Road, and found low amounts of the gas with testing equipment. They advised to homeowner to have a furnace technician examine the furnace at the home.
1:34 p.m. -- Firefighters responded to a report of smoke at 503 Center Street. The smoke was caused by a plastic pan catching fire in a microwave. The fire was extinguished before firefighters arrived.
5 p.m. -- Firefighters responded to a report of a unusual odor at 303 Ashland Avenue. A resident there said he'd have his drain pipes cleaned to combat the problem.

Nope. Not me. I did not copy/paste that, and I shall not now comment on certain sections henceforth.

First of all, let me just say that I erased all last names from this to protect the, er, guilty.
Second....Richard, you just had a bad week, didn't you? I erased the last names, but the Richard Y. that appears twice is the same person.

Next...apparently the deer didn't need dispatching because it had left? Oh goodness. "You see what had happened was..."

Also...if you're going to fail to appear, chances are the cops have your address. Why would you just stay home? Ugh.

And of course...if you leave the leftovers in the styrofoam container from the Lyn-Way, your microwave will catch fire. Take note.

The funniest one for me, however, is the last one. Seriously? Seriously.


So those are my Not Me's, and a few jabs at small town life. Don't get me wrong, A-town was a nice place to grow up. Most of us border on insane...but everywhere has its quirks, right?

What haven't YOU done this week? Love to those who listen.