Angels around us

I had a crappy night last night. There is no other way to put it except that it was crappy. I had bad news yesterday (someone I love is sick. very sick.) and as a result I didn't sleep well. I was awakened by a wrong number at 3:19 this morning. I was scared and confused (as anyone would be at 3:19 in the morning). I went back to sleep and had an awful dream - one of those where you wake up confused, scared, crying, a whole host of ugly emotions. I woke up today and was short on patience, emotions and sleep, and high on anxiety and stress. I had about a million papers to grade, and somehow got roped into helping my Skippy with a bake sale/hot dog stand in Lodi. I love my Skip, but today I was not loving and I snapped at her on more than one occasion. I was less than pleased with how my day was going when a strange and beautiful thing happened. This bake sale/weenie extravaganza was at a Farmer's Market and Bicentennial kickoff in Lodi. There was a family at the Farmer's Market who had for sale, among other things, bouquets of flowers. Anyone who knows me well knows that one of the things that makes me happiest in the world is having fresh cut flowers in my house. It was towards the end of the day and I was hot, tired, and not even close to pleasant. I was helping tear down the hot dog stand when this beautiful little creature, maybe 6 or 7 years old, appears in front of me with a bouquet of flowers. She was the daughter of the woman running the flower stall, and they had some bouquets that hadn't sold so the mother was letting the daughter give them away to other vendors. This child couldn't see my anger or frustration...or maybe she could. All she could see was someone who needed flowers. She handed me a bouquet of yellow and purple flowers (my favorites!)...and in that moment I just stopped. I thought of all of the anxiety and pain (that's what it is, people, mental pain) that I was in today. I thought of all of the things that I had done as a result of not knowing what to do with that pain. And I saw this little girl in front of me, and all I could do was smile at her and try not to cry. She was the reminder to try to find something beautiful in the pain. She was the reminder that it's not always easy to see one good moment in a hundred bad ones. This little girl and her purple and yellow flowers reminded me of the way one person can change the day of another. She was one of my angels today. Even though I can't see them every day, it's nice to know I had an angel with some flowers today.

one year.

hace un an~o que me fui de la isla. Hace un an~o que te deje, querida mia, con la promesa de que iba a regresar lo mas pronto posible. te prometi que iba a volver a verte, que te iba a sacar de la cama, del nido de la casa. te prometi que ibamos a caminar, tu y yo, por toda santa rosa. te iba a llevar a sears y a ponderosa, que tanto te gustaba. ibamos a irnos a kmart, a amigo. me ibas a hacer el cafe que nunca aprendi a hacer como tu lo hacias. siento que nunca pudimos hacer las miles y miles de cosas que me hubieran gustado compartir contigo, abuela de mis suen~os. hace un an~o que me fui de casa llorando porque sabia que esa iba a ser la ultima vez que te vi en esta vida. un an~o. no me lo puedo creer.

un an~o. te extran~o.